It’s definitely been an interesting few weeks. As always the weekends have been packed and the weekdays have been good too. I’ve also had a fresh set of revelations (maybe that’s a bit extreme) but it’s a  combination of strange (not known by me) people telling me something super insightful and some odd reading and pondering. I am also in love with Spain (again)! Who knew a Hindi movie could do it for me…but have you seen ‘Zindagi Na Milegi…’? It is literally proof of my earlier concept. The whole story (mostly based in Spain) is about- in some parts- how life is more than just about chasing money and satisfying everyone but yourself. The movie miserably fails to explain how one can begin to ‘live’, in Spain no less (I can jump out of planes too), without pursuing the aforementioned things. Yes… sad but true. But well a new aspiration was born; go to Spain before I’m 30! :-)

So it’s been cold and rainy in Bangalore and the evenings are perfect for a walk or jog…it was also the setting for a conversation I had with someone I did not know too well. I have been doing some research, to figure out what it takes to start and run a business, in the hope that someday I will filter out the various noises in my head and act on a good idea. If I ever have the opportunity to meet someone I know has done or is doing this, I am quite unashamed to ask them many questions. So there I was… enjoying the cold breeze, when someone I have barely spoken to, began walking with me. Side note: I have in all honesty been giving the whole ‘yes’ thing an good go. This means that I am not necessarily saying YES, but at least not resisting what I usually might.

I enjoy my time to myself in the evening, where I can just walk and it’s dark, silent (music on of course) and beautiful actually. Well along comes this person I hardly know, let’s call her SHE. SHE tells me something that starts a conversation and before you know it, SHE actually says I am just latching myself onto you :-) My old self may have resisted a bit, but well…I just went with the flow this time (refer side note :-) ). We walked side by side for a good long time, and in that time the conversation went from scandalous (yes we discussed some real classy rubbish) to serious stuff. In order to protect her privacy I will tell you just this much…that SHE has co-founded two huge businesses and is possibly on her way to number 3. She is unapologetic and passionate, which could well be misunderstood for obnoxious or arrogant, but I actually found it sort of endearing and inspiring!  If you ask her she would probably tell you her entire story because she seems to be bursting at the seams with it! Or maybe I just bring it out in people (Ooppss.. did I just brag a bit? But no, it seems to just happen, I can make people really spill the beans at times…how does that happen??! I don’t know really). So we are walking and I’m asking her all these questions about what drives her to do it, how does she come up with the next big idea and…how does she keep things fresh. You know? She told me a lot of things and I got a sense of what she probably gave up to achieve this extent of success or prosperity if you will– but I will digest this and give you a condensed version – its common sense, a well laid out plan and fearlessness. I was going to ask her about where that first bit of capital came from, but well it just felt like I might be crossing a line then! I think one of the reasons this conversation touched me, is because while it came from someone who probably cared very little about me, it was still good advice! And off late I have been giving a lot of thought to doing something substantial and enterprising… so I’m at this cross road, where I want to do something and I am not sure where and if I should start…and here is someone who knows nothing about me telling me, do it! She tells me I’m at that age where the timing is perfect! I am not sure if this is coincidence or a sign from the universe :-) but it felt good…I have to admit that. Our conversation finished with her telling me that she liked that I had so many questions and that the person she had co-founded her companies with had once shared an email of mine with her (do not ask me yet, what this email was about :-) it’s a story for another time.. and in reality was quite casual) and they both had decided they liked me :-) something about the words I used that conveyed something difficult in an easy way… and there! In a flash, from someone I would not have thought cared enough, a little push and smidge of inspiration! but wait you think I’m overstating things.. romanticizing it even.. I also asked her if she gave up a lot to get where she did… and she said yes! She does not remember the first few years of her married life.. so hence proved  - you can’t want it all and have it all too..

But it’s lovely no?  How you can keep meeting people like this… if you gave yourself the chance and trust me I TRY to dive straight in. I’m not sure why I am sharing this, it’s not because I want to brag or anything (yes she paid me a compliment, but I’m still such a small fry :-) ), it’s just that I want to tell you that stuff like this.. stuff you don’t try or resist or ignore can be that tiny little step in a very large chain of events.. I mean I truly believe it can be.

She gave me tons to think about…I’m already thinking about this so maybe the environment was perfect, but she gave me a glimpse into the exciting aspects of a life I might want for myself. I’ve also begun to give very serious thought to how I will afford the million holidays I have planned… but most of all I think I am really just making a decision of whether I want to keep playing it safe and in the long run do enough and give myself the things I want..OR go big..and jump in head first and try to do something out of 'my' ordinary (I truly think ordinary is a relative term here, so I say MY)…that is the true cross road I am at.. What do I think will be ‘extra'ordinary and what do I want to do when I grow up :-) I could really use some chocolate cake now.. :D its really food for my thoughts!

I love moments like this..I take a mental picture for myself of it and now, with this post, I’m preserving the feeling in a little tiny space online where some of you may read..and ponder the same things.

At the risk of sounding corny – the cross road, the journey, the inspiration.. the reason to keep getting up every day ..whatever you want to call it, is so much more exciting than knowing or reaching the final destination… it’s probably what makes us feel young and alive..or something like that :-) I wonder why we work so hard to undo this!

This weekend was lovely... I spent it with all my favourite people. I also spent a small fortune on a handbag (hand crafted by Gujarati tribal folk) so beautifully bright and embellished for sheer joy, at the ‘Pause for a Cause’ event . Did I pause or what. Any-who, the bag is a collectors item, it shall be inherited from me! so totally worth the amount I spent on it, plus hey it was for a good cause (Concern India foundation raises funds at this event for grass root level programs they run around India). And okay that was NOT all I bought.

Another thing I did this weekend was to leave my car at home and take the bus. Hmmm so that’s really NOT a big deal at all - except of course it was WAY cheaper, the only downside is the more-than-occasional GAWKING co-passenger, I can’t figure this one out really... But that’s not what I am getting to.

So there are just a hand full of instances where I am okay with silence (at work sometimes, when I sleep and when I write...wait that’s it). At every other waking moment I must have sound. I just have to have it. It’s as though I need sound outside my head to resonate with the sound of the thoughts in my head so that I can be at ease with myself (a quick little theory for you there)... So whether its music or the TV in my room, its always ON (I multitask). sometimes I almost feel like the cast of ‘whatever show I’m watching’ is in my room! So  while I was on my way (on a bus) somewhere, I had my music on of course and I wandered to a thought I’ve had many times... I often enjoy how in movies or short TV shows, everything (READ life) just happens in one neat little montage with some really decent music too! We’ve seen a ton of spoofs on this, perhaps an actual montage or two you may have liked (come on, you can admit it).. and its just so silly and weird and wonderful all at once. It’s had me thinking of how my theme song to life/montage would be...I know I’m not that ‘important’..But that won’t stop me. Its my private (not anymore) little joke.. So I will be all ‘bittersweet symphony’ if I’m on my way to something routine or tiring or requiring that I wake up early in the morning (this sounds like something no? :-)) especially on Mondays! On some particularly happy days I will be in favour of something sweet, about love perhaps! And so of course I’ll be smiling (to myself) happy and gooey, listening to anything from Frank Sinatra (come fly with me) to Ella Fitzgerald (the nearness of you) or Oasis (Wonderwall) and Jason Mraz (I’m yours) -- don’t judge me! There’s also a ton of ‘I’m-in-a-happy-almost-kick-ass-mood’ when I’m going out or have to drive really far...but it will take me somewhere fun and it just the start of a free free day! Those can be anything... and I will be listening imagining myself to be in some silly montage with this as my theme song! I’ve had “born to be wild’ moments and ‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T’ ones too! its so funny now when I share this with you, but may be you out there will feel this too!? (ummm there’s a chance there was something slipped in my coffee this morning, which might affect... nah). So my bus journeys this weekend had some particularly uptempo music setting the tone and that was probably why I had such a good time with it.

Combine looking out of the window and just the right kind of ‘theme song’ and I’m in my own little slice of heaven on earth, starring in the movie from my head (self centred much??). I love that simple things like this can work wonders for me. So yeah this montage theory contributes heavily to how I feel about what I am doing, or can help improve how I feel about what I am doing (I suppose this is universal). It can take you back to when you first heard that song or who you were with and what was going on (so it’s a  flash back montage...hahaha). I find that I have my best ideas when I am on the move (the key is I should NOT be driving myself), but what does seem to happen more often than not is I forget what I think!

I have super surge of an idea in that montage-like-moment, and then the moment passes and after that its like a name at the tip of your tongue you can’t seem to remember. I hate that! It’s too many conversations in my head, and no one is taking notes. That’s the problem... I have had flashes of at least 10 other posts for this blog yesterday and today it is as though they never happened.

It’s becoming clearer though that inspiration is a state of mind, that will need many different things to be sustained, long enough for you to remember everything you need to before you can leave it.

Have you seen this movie ‘Yes-Man’? It’s funny and all that (I was laughing pretty hard that Friday night that I did catch this. It’s also worth noting I am very lenient on Friday evenings, and so even just-okay things will fly). So yeah, jokes apart (not entirely possible with a Jim Carrey flick)... the idea is quite interesting no? (For anyone who does not follow, its basically the idea of ‘embracing life’ by saying yes to anything anyone asks you to do!)  I’ve started weeks going “I’m going to try that!” What if I say yes to anything that comes my way, no second guessing, no restrictions, just an unadulterated YES! I have not even survived 15 minutes with this idea mind you... today was going to be YES day, but ummm...NO. Now I bring this up,because it is my belief that this is one of those ‘go with the flow’ ways of living that will sustain ideas...If I said yes to..whatever.., I may have had an experience worth thinking, writing and sharing about, MAYBE.. So the key to wondrous possibilities lies entirely in the unknown space of of recklessness and blind agreement to stuff that’s asked of you. That’s what I think, but I don't quite have the patience to stick to this plan!

I can see that to be inspired, you need just this - a journey...movement.. constant sounds and sights and the ability to give in and stop being in your own damn way! Oh..a pen and paper or recorder handy!...and a killer theme song! ;-)

I am so awestruck and inspired by people who can put their thoughts into words and share them with just about anyone. I will read a blog or article online and find my mood just elevating as I read line by line of someone’s life and thoughts and friends (or frenemies if you will..), relating to parts of it and laughing at the rest. So what right? So let me just back up for a second here.  Well, I like many many many many people am searching for that tiny slice of inspiration you need to keep you going. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m reaching an age milestone (25, yeeahhh!) or it’s just because I am desperate for something to break the monotony of day to day life or it’s just because I want to make my presence felt, even if it’s on some time tiny little self-fashioned blog talking about my stupid problem of being bored..(yes yes.. its everyone’s problem)

By inspiration I am not talking about anything that EPIC you know, it’s just that yummy feeling that takes over you because you’ve found something or someone interesting to think about and then that idea in your mind starts multiplying at the slightest provocation till your brain bubbles up in a happy, deliciously good-for-you froth of ideas that may never see the light of day but gave you a good trip through the day…ah yes. Inspiration. I think I’m using it as a one word substitute for ‘getting-what-I-think-is-a-good-idea-and-a-good-use-of-my-time’, the bounce in my step… the thing that makes you want to get up every day and get moving?! (too far?)

Off late it’s been a super dry spell… I cannot for the life of me think of a decent enough plot for a story. I know I want to write a story (for anyone who cares and got this far here is one of my blogs http://shrutiwritingoutloud.blogspot.com) but I cannot get my brain to come up with something that does not suck! And then it hit me…wait.. I could, if I was just the right amount of mad and jobless talk about this.. whatever it is I want to! I’ve read a ton of people’s blogs… they talk about EVERYTHING (forget pets and crappy boyfriends, I’m talking about the ugly stuff), and well while I never intend to get ugly, I will get mindless (its relative). Just for a while, till I come up with a juicy idea and that gets me writing a REAL story. If you are reading, you can help inspire me and yourself perhaps along the way (Awww what a talk show moment, that one...)

There are so many many conflicting principles at play when you talk about the lack of inspiration and the monotony of a twenty something’s day to day life. So yeah… I happen to like my job, it’s not that I don’t, but you know I still think I’m doing time. It’s that whole, bottom of the ladder crawling my way up (hmmmm, or so I believe -->Super jaded alert!) scenario, the time to sweat a bit, waste all my ‘free time’ working and worrying, till I wake up and realize, I have no life.. and wait I’m FAT! (wow do I digress)… and see I lead with my JOB there. You got to admit it takes up a decent portion of life! Okay so while the last bit is not true (I have free time and I’m in good enough shape for now) I realize that nothing is exciting me anymore. I’ll get to the conflicting principles. I am bored and living for the weekends (particularly Fridays because I think the idea of a weekend is almost better than the weekend itself). I’ve tried things to get out of this… there’s all the good people in my life who I lurve and spend oodles of time with (four legged variety included), BUT you know they just inspire me to love the crap out of them. That’s all. And then there’s the view from my balcony (so gorgeous and the only way to ‘enjoy’ an excavated Bangalore city road, yes I said enjoy , or the moonlit sky), there’s the travel channels (HATE to love them, what life is that being in fancy hotels eating all that food, soaking up the sun in all those exotic and expensive places..DAMN YOU globe trekking girl who will look good even after sleeping in hay with a goat!), apparently a good work out in the gym or a good swim can help you jump start the grey matter (no and shivering no, though they are good for me! I think what I find inspirational in these scenarios is one of those super cant-get-the-beat-outta-my-head-like-a-G6-songs, but only inspiring a decent cardio rate!)..and then there’s what we all fondly refer to as ‘having a life’ (somehow implying everything absolutely excluding  book reading, TV watching and general normalness) and well if you have to get ready for an hour, travel for two, and get over charged to have a semblance of a good time, you do the bloody math..

There was a time when I could look out the window of a moving cab/car/bus (ah yes I am now a luxury queen) and see all those wondrous things on the road and be overwhelmed with ideas on everything! I’d see a vacant space with a to let sign and imagine I had this really cool clothing store filled with everything I have designed and put together myself, with hand painted walls and some obscure and abstract name on the front of the store(yes I love designing my own clothes) or a beggar girl and just feel this gut wrenching sadness-anger combination for her situation and want to write about it, or just an utter lack of civic sense (you peeing, spitting disgusting man and silly bus ticket throwing girl) and off late a dad with 3 kids on his two wheeler (it’s hard to talk about this one). I don’t know how, or why.. but these things worked for me. I could feel strongly and write strongly about a sentiment it triggered in me. See I use past tense, because now I see all these wondrous possibilities on the road and its…NOTHING. I cannot act on it because I have reached a point of overwhelming plainness.. that stage where you work hard, have a routine, watch time pass you by, make plans (break each and every one with super ninja like precision)  and come home and hit the sack..

Well I am hoping that this will get my creative juices flowing. I’m going to just keep talking till that yummy new idea hits me and passes the sleep test (an idea that does not make me feel like “what were you thinking?!” when I wake up the next morning and the sunshine clarifies everything). I’m now thinking about the different people that may end up reading any of this – good friends, half friends, non-friends…hmmm maybe 1 in 3 might see this as something they can relate to. Or no one will like it. Its okay.

So coming back to conflicting principles. We as ‘young people’ are simultaneously expected to do very many things, including follow routine, work hard…blah blah blah and never ever get bored. Then somehow all that sweat and blood will land us in our mid-thirties by which time we are probably bitter about not having done more when you were younger and wondering where your life went. You sell out a bit, make some money and never really end up doing or feeling whatever it is you want to (I speak for myself, I do not have some uber fancy party in wherever, go for vacations at the drop of the hat lifestyle, though I may want to!). Urrgghh… I can’t write this properly because while it is a pretty clear concept in my mind, it just does not seem to pan out correctly here. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that you cannot be confined to your cubicle AND be inspired enough to do anything creative enough SIMULTANEOUSLY when you STILL have the ability to get creative or inspired. And when you finally can (because you have time) it’s too late! You’re in too deep and there’s no idea there!

I guess I’m generalizing or whining or both. But I am calling out for help here. Inspire me world, give me a reason!! I think I used to be able to look at anything and just spin it into an idea…but as I approach this age milestone its getting dull, and I’ve only just begun! So I will fight my routine, make something happen, make a fool of myself if I have to. But I’ll do it my way :-) in December ’10 I met a very drunk old(ish) man at an art gala in Mumbai (he turned out to be some play writer from Goa), we’d never met (thankfully because, he was on the bad side of the 'fine line' known as nut job). There were two levels to this loft like room, holding all this amazing artwork and a narrow staircase lead you to the upper level. I was going down, and he was walking up. I realized it would be best to let him go first so I give him way, but our eyes meet. He looks at me, and I could’ve sworn he had a moment of lucidity. He says ‘ you have an aura of wondrous possibilities..’ and walks away. I was surprised and amused, because maybe, he would have said that to anyone he’d met at the top of those stairs (even the waiter carry very very strong homemade vodka), but somehow, I believed him and believed it was for me.

I’m looking…yes. Looking with open arms (yoo-hoo? Wondrous possibilities I’m right here)…what do you think?