Because I can

I am so awestruck and inspired by people who can put their thoughts into words and share them with just about anyone. I will read a blog or article online and find my mood just elevating as I read line by line of someone’s life and thoughts and friends (or frenemies if you will..), relating to parts of it and laughing at the rest. So what right? So let me just back up for a second here.  Well, I like many many many many people am searching for that tiny slice of inspiration you need to keep you going. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m reaching an age milestone (25, yeeahhh!) or it’s just because I am desperate for something to break the monotony of day to day life or it’s just because I want to make my presence felt, even if it’s on some time tiny little self-fashioned blog talking about my stupid problem of being bored..(yes yes.. its everyone’s problem)

By inspiration I am not talking about anything that EPIC you know, it’s just that yummy feeling that takes over you because you’ve found something or someone interesting to think about and then that idea in your mind starts multiplying at the slightest provocation till your brain bubbles up in a happy, deliciously good-for-you froth of ideas that may never see the light of day but gave you a good trip through the day…ah yes. Inspiration. I think I’m using it as a one word substitute for ‘getting-what-I-think-is-a-good-idea-and-a-good-use-of-my-time’, the bounce in my step… the thing that makes you want to get up every day and get moving?! (too far?)

Off late it’s been a super dry spell… I cannot for the life of me think of a decent enough plot for a story. I know I want to write a story (for anyone who cares and got this far here is one of my blogs http://shrutiwritingoutloud.blogspot.com) but I cannot get my brain to come up with something that does not suck! And then it hit me…wait.. I could, if I was just the right amount of mad and jobless talk about this.. whatever it is I want to! I’ve read a ton of people’s blogs… they talk about EVERYTHING (forget pets and crappy boyfriends, I’m talking about the ugly stuff), and well while I never intend to get ugly, I will get mindless (its relative). Just for a while, till I come up with a juicy idea and that gets me writing a REAL story. If you are reading, you can help inspire me and yourself perhaps along the way (Awww what a talk show moment, that one...)

There are so many many conflicting principles at play when you talk about the lack of inspiration and the monotony of a twenty something’s day to day life. So yeah… I happen to like my job, it’s not that I don’t, but you know I still think I’m doing time. It’s that whole, bottom of the ladder crawling my way up (hmmmm, or so I believe -->Super jaded alert!) scenario, the time to sweat a bit, waste all my ‘free time’ working and worrying, till I wake up and realize, I have no life.. and wait I’m FAT! (wow do I digress)… and see I lead with my JOB there. You got to admit it takes up a decent portion of life! Okay so while the last bit is not true (I have free time and I’m in good enough shape for now) I realize that nothing is exciting me anymore. I’ll get to the conflicting principles. I am bored and living for the weekends (particularly Fridays because I think the idea of a weekend is almost better than the weekend itself). I’ve tried things to get out of this… there’s all the good people in my life who I lurve and spend oodles of time with (four legged variety included), BUT you know they just inspire me to love the crap out of them. That’s all. And then there’s the view from my balcony (so gorgeous and the only way to ‘enjoy’ an excavated Bangalore city road, yes I said enjoy , or the moonlit sky), there’s the travel channels (HATE to love them, what life is that being in fancy hotels eating all that food, soaking up the sun in all those exotic and expensive places..DAMN YOU globe trekking girl who will look good even after sleeping in hay with a goat!), apparently a good work out in the gym or a good swim can help you jump start the grey matter (no and shivering no, though they are good for me! I think what I find inspirational in these scenarios is one of those super cant-get-the-beat-outta-my-head-like-a-G6-songs, but only inspiring a decent cardio rate!)..and then there’s what we all fondly refer to as ‘having a life’ (somehow implying everything absolutely excluding  book reading, TV watching and general normalness) and well if you have to get ready for an hour, travel for two, and get over charged to have a semblance of a good time, you do the bloody math..

There was a time when I could look out the window of a moving cab/car/bus (ah yes I am now a luxury queen) and see all those wondrous things on the road and be overwhelmed with ideas on everything! I’d see a vacant space with a to let sign and imagine I had this really cool clothing store filled with everything I have designed and put together myself, with hand painted walls and some obscure and abstract name on the front of the store(yes I love designing my own clothes) or a beggar girl and just feel this gut wrenching sadness-anger combination for her situation and want to write about it, or just an utter lack of civic sense (you peeing, spitting disgusting man and silly bus ticket throwing girl) and off late a dad with 3 kids on his two wheeler (it’s hard to talk about this one). I don’t know how, or why.. but these things worked for me. I could feel strongly and write strongly about a sentiment it triggered in me. See I use past tense, because now I see all these wondrous possibilities on the road and its…NOTHING. I cannot act on it because I have reached a point of overwhelming plainness.. that stage where you work hard, have a routine, watch time pass you by, make plans (break each and every one with super ninja like precision)  and come home and hit the sack..

Well I am hoping that this will get my creative juices flowing. I’m going to just keep talking till that yummy new idea hits me and passes the sleep test (an idea that does not make me feel like “what were you thinking?!” when I wake up the next morning and the sunshine clarifies everything). I’m now thinking about the different people that may end up reading any of this – good friends, half friends, non-friends…hmmm maybe 1 in 3 might see this as something they can relate to. Or no one will like it. Its okay.

So coming back to conflicting principles. We as ‘young people’ are simultaneously expected to do very many things, including follow routine, work hard…blah blah blah and never ever get bored. Then somehow all that sweat and blood will land us in our mid-thirties by which time we are probably bitter about not having done more when you were younger and wondering where your life went. You sell out a bit, make some money and never really end up doing or feeling whatever it is you want to (I speak for myself, I do not have some uber fancy party in wherever, go for vacations at the drop of the hat lifestyle, though I may want to!). Urrgghh… I can’t write this properly because while it is a pretty clear concept in my mind, it just does not seem to pan out correctly here. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that you cannot be confined to your cubicle AND be inspired enough to do anything creative enough SIMULTANEOUSLY when you STILL have the ability to get creative or inspired. And when you finally can (because you have time) it’s too late! You’re in too deep and there’s no idea there!

I guess I’m generalizing or whining or both. But I am calling out for help here. Inspire me world, give me a reason!! I think I used to be able to look at anything and just spin it into an idea…but as I approach this age milestone its getting dull, and I’ve only just begun! So I will fight my routine, make something happen, make a fool of myself if I have to. But I’ll do it my way :-) in December ’10 I met a very drunk old(ish) man at an art gala in Mumbai (he turned out to be some play writer from Goa), we’d never met (thankfully because, he was on the bad side of the 'fine line' known as nut job). There were two levels to this loft like room, holding all this amazing artwork and a narrow staircase lead you to the upper level. I was going down, and he was walking up. I realized it would be best to let him go first so I give him way, but our eyes meet. He looks at me, and I could’ve sworn he had a moment of lucidity. He says ‘ you have an aura of wondrous possibilities..’ and walks away. I was surprised and amused, because maybe, he would have said that to anyone he’d met at the top of those stairs (even the waiter carry very very strong homemade vodka), but somehow, I believed him and believed it was for me.

I’m looking…yes. Looking with open arms (yoo-hoo? Wondrous possibilities I’m right here)…what do you think?