Gaga for nothing!

If you had to describe or rather introduce yourself (with a small description) to a complete stranger, how would you do it? Would you state your qualifications? Would you tell them where you worked or study, or would you let your clothes/body/attitude... whatever… do the talking? Would you size up this stranger first and very quickly state in your opinion what would create a good first impression of you for them? Or would you force on them, like many many people do, a call-centre-pizza-home-delivery-phone-order-taker style rendition (elevator pitch version) of your resume till you have either shocked or obnoxiously shouted at them your reasonably (un)impressive list of credentials no matter who they are or how much(little) they care?

I judge everyone who answered yes to any of the above…but that would also mean I judge myself. I DO NOT consciously do any of these things (perhaps because at some level I am not yet satisfied with my credentials, I’ll get to this.. or NOT) but because if I were to hear an impressive intro I would well… be impressed. I am seriously starting to wonder, what about anyone should really matter to me…and why we feel the need to have a standard  system for impressions and likability of people in most set ups..

I began thinking this early last week when I stumbled upon certain websites, videos and conversations on the authority and/or superiority complex people anywhere tend to suffer from and how easy it has become to judge or assess anyone on meaningless things!… and above all other feelings I think the one that really stood out in me was real annoyance! I then began to realize that this negative emotion is really a product of being subject to this from every corner, even those you’d never suspect, till finally all you are doing is making snap judgments based on semi facts about people and things that will be meaningless in a day to day context.

But then this impression based judgment extends to everything—I mean literally everything! From buying toothpaste to your choice of car, or why you don’t get a job you are qualified to do (you did not ‘market’ yourself i.e give them what they want to hear), politicians in power all over the world… or who you are friends with..the list is endless. So wait I am getting ahead of myself here.. I’ll go back to the original problem. I was considering altering the way I would introduce myself to people from now on—I would say ‘ Hi I’m Shruti! I love Chinese food, I hate cockroaches and I can’t understand what the big deal is about Lady Gaga’… I imagine this will get a laugh out of friend types (one would hope), but if I said this at a job interview or to someone a generation or two ahead of me in life (sum total of work, family...) I would be looked at like I was crazed! But why… doesn’t this introduction say something about me? That I did not sound like every other 20 something professional, makes me non-conformist with integrity, that I like Chinese implies I am global citizen (errmm.. pushing it here)…that I dislike cockroaches suggests a strong sense of cleanliness for my surroundings (always good to have) and that I can’t understand the hype about Lady Gaga shows I am a thinking individual and will not go with herd mentality and would never EVER wear a dress made of meat :). Now isn’t that something? If instead I had belted out my professional credentials (not necessarily qualifications that would blow your mind) I would be assessed by that and my credibility and capability will be wholly determined by what I HAVE done…and not what I CAN DO or WHAT I AM! Potential is not constant in my opinion, so if you are going to take my existing achievements/state as an indication of who I am and what I can do.. well it may not pan out exactly as expected and exactly what gave them any authority to do that! Wait so this theory is complex and I am grossly oversimplifying here, because I would hardly want people in big ‘life changing’ jobs to be hired based on subjective views… so let me apply this to everything outside of the corporate world.

I met someone recently who wanted to talk about people by the amount (in Rupees) they are worth. And then not to sound THAT terrible talk about how ‘humble’ they are despite being worth so much (ummm humility is in her opinion not openly flaunting money)… people constantly compare Indians from various regions.. skin colour, eye colour, hair colour..brains and beauty.. how smart they are, how kind they are. All based on one small glimpse… I guess this has gotten to me! That people widely regard themselves as authorities on OTHER people and what a set of features in them represents , really pisses me off! Now I thought about this a little before publishing and decided that while judging is TOTALLY necessary in many contexts –picking an employer/employee, a life partner and schools, etc. it does not mean that definitions are written in stone..

Now another funny thing about judgmental people is that once we encounter them we NEVER ever again see them as anything but being judgmental.. so in a way they have perpetuated a judging cycle!!! I think I am losing the plot here.. so I am going to steer this back to my initial point.. I want to figure out what about a person should or should not help me determine if I will ever talk to them again and not go with what everyone has now been trained to believe are the only parameters… and I want to start consciously applying this to all spheres where I interact with people..  in the way I communicate- start impressing upon people an unexpected ‘first impression’ of myself as a survey of my theory. I also want to not react when met with a less than enthusiastic response to my range of introductions. I am not sure how the systems we have in place today came to be… why where I work or how much I make or what my next step is.. Should make any difference to my neighbours cousin twice removed..I am actually so insulted when asked that question by someone I barely know! I want to make sure I in my own tiny way am never carried away by a walking CV or great looks or anything that is neatly packaged. I think there is something to be said for what all you do to create a ‘neat little’ perception of yourself.. and its in all that you do and say to create it,  that REALLY says something about you and how you look at other people. You can make a millions, have studied in the best schools and drive the fanciest cars (perception I’m working hard and living big) but if you throw your gum wrapper in the elevator or talk to your nanny like your own them or don’t even say hello before you ask me where I work… I judge you for that!  Because what that says is about you is much more that your college degree!

I think I also want to be more conscious about what something unsaid says about a person than what is said.. so I’m going to give lil miss ‘how much are they worth’ another shot… this time I’ll see what choice comments she will have about South Indians and their ‘looks’(ummm no points for guessing where she is from) and read between the lines… maybe somewhere I will discover she is not a bad as she sounds! I also might add that this post is terribly random and a week too late.. but I stuck with it..says something about me? (I think not :))